I called my client this morning to confirm our appointment tonight. My young client and his wife are bringing his parents to see the home they have chosen to write an offer on, and we are finalizing the paperwork tonight. We've looked at a lot of homes together, and he and his wife have carefully evaluated where they want to live. Last week, we found a home that, although it needs some work, truly suits all of their needs, and it's priced accordingly.
My client surprised me with the news that things have been really stressful for him over the past few days. He told me that although he and his wife are very pleased with their decision, his parents are pressuring him to keep looking. My client told his parents that this is a decision he and his wife want to make together, and has asked his parents to let them do things their way, and for their own reasons.
My client expressed concern over the showing tonight. He's pretty sure his parents will find something wrong with this house, because it's not the house they would choose. And when his parents second guess his decisions, he second guesses himself as well. Maybe he hasn't looked around enough, maybe there's a better deal out there, this place sure does need a lot of work....
As it relates to Real Estate, I think a lot of his concerns are "normal" first time Buyer jitters. I discussed with my client that our offer is a fair price, and that we've looked at a lot of homes - and I reminded him that this was the house that he and his wife really loved, in the location best suited for them. He agreed.
As for his parents, my guess is that this started with a financial contribution. That can be a big hook for young couples buying their first house. Most parents are going to want to be involved in their young adult's decision to purchase a house - some more than others, and a financial contribution from the parents really seems to compound the situation.
If you are a first time buyer, and you think your parents may want to get involved, and if you are concerned that their involvement be to the extent that you are precluded from doing what is best for you in order to satisfy your parents, you should try to address this early. Sit down with both of your parents and have a very frank, pointed discussion regarding their involvement, and their feedback / concerns / opinion. Make sure that you are clear about the boundaries that you are comfortable with.
I'm not Dr. Phil, although if I grew a mustache I might look like him, but this seems to make sense to me.
Tim McIntyre, GRI
tmcintyre@cbmove.com
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Ellicott City Realtor, Catonsville Realtor serving Howard County, Carroll County and Baltimore County for more than 25 years.
If its not a financial matter with the folks, then these kids need to start a life of their own. Otherwise the folks will be calling the shots from here on out.
Hi Tim. The parents are often the X factor. Even worse when the parents come to the home inspection.
Several years ago, Mom & Dad showed up at the home inspection and did not think the house was clean enough. The deal died and you know who took the blame.
Tim, excellent advice! Getting all the decision makers on the same page is critical to communication and negotiating.
Tim, Identifying who the real decision makers are in where the problem lies. It sounds like your buyer acted and believed they were, until now. I have to say though, I have been in similar situations where the parents have surprised me with support for their kids and the work they put in.
I've run into this problem myself. If parents are going to be party to the final decision, they should really come to showings. On the other hand, I wouldn't buy the house my parents would pick either and would forego the downpayment assistance because that would cause serious strain on the relationship.
Thanks for all the feedback. Great advice from you.